In the old Little Rascals movies there was a bully named
Butch who always had his little toadies hanging around. That's exactly the way
my old company operated. The owner of the company was a big bully who
surrounded herself with little toadies, ready to do her dirty work.
One of the many bullies I worked with was a project manager who managed two people but you'd think she ran the whole damn company. Her
nicknames throughout the department ran from "Monster" to
"Dementor". One co-worker of mine, nicknamed her "Lord
Humongous" (all you Mad Max fans know this guy), and even tacked a picture
of the villain on his wall next to his computer. What woman wants these names
applied to her? I'll be nicer here and call her Betty.
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| Do you work with a Lord Humongous? |
When Betty walked passed my office, it was like a scene from
Jurassic Park – The water in my cup would actually ripple. True story! She
wasn't overweight, she was just on a mission all day, everyday. She had so many
complaints about her to Human Resources, I later found out she was put on
probation for most of her employment.
But that was all just a formality, because the owner of the
company loved Betty. She was like her little enforcer – her head toady. Betty marched around the office looking for
ways to get people in trouble. One day, she put her sites on me, quite
possibly because she was running out of victims, as people were actually
quitting because of her.
This was the beginning of four years of hell for me. At the
meaty hands of Betty, I was harassed, badgered, belittled, and lied about. I
went through my chain of command but no one could do a thing because she was
the owner's "golden child." Even HR didn't want to deal with it. They
filed my complaint with the dozens of other Betty-complaints, never to see the
light of day. So, I was on my own.
However, the theory that all bullies are cowards and would
rather run than defend themselves holds true. And I proved it.
At the height of the bullying here's what I was going
through – By the time I opened my computer in the morning I would have 16
emails from her. She emailed me every minute for 8 hours. Sometimes her first
five emails would be dismissed by her last five emails. It got to the point
where I made a separate folder for her emails, many remaining unopened until
the day I left the company.
If I made a mistake, she would copy everyone from here to
China (literally). She lied constantly to drive divisions between my co-workers
and me (we all knew her tricks, so no one ever fell for them). I wasn't the
only one she did this to, but I felt like I was because no one wanted or could do
anything about it.
The thing with bullies is that if you let them, they can
affect your health. I started dreading Mondays on Friday. By Tuesday, I would
start getting stomachaches. By Wednesday, my head would start to pound. By
Thursday, I'd have a full-blown migraine and by Friday I'd be barfing in my
office trash can and looking for a dark place to lie down. This was my weekly
experience. Hey guess what? Stress can make you sick.
After four years of this, I was exhausted, beat up and ready
to break. One day some papers came across my desk and I saw something that made
me snap. Betty started to cross out my signature on paperwork I had signed off
on. I asked her why she was doing it and told her not to do it anymore.
But she continued and on one particular day, I totally (and
uncharacteristically) blew my top. I stormed into her office, put my finger in
her face and let go of four years of internalized anger. I told her she was a fucking
liar, a bully, that people were
quitting because of her and basically everything else everyone was thinking. I
did this in front of her two subordinates, which was great because they went
around and told everyone in the company.
The funny thing is, Betty never said a word to me while I
was telling her off. She stood there with a big scared face (mind you, I'm
about 5-foot-2 to her 20-foot Jurassic stature). She stood there like a big
dumb bully, frozen in her mediocrity.
I went back to my office and figured my time there was
through. Weirdly enough, I was the most calm I had been in four years. I was
convinced I was going to get fired, so I started packing up my stuff. To my
surprise, I got no disciplinary action. Oh sure, my supervisor gave me a
"What were you thinking?" and a chuckle. The HR manager actually
asked me if I wanted the day off to "cool down." But I was cool. I
stood up to Lord Humongous and won.
Amazingly, she never said a word to me after that. I was
suddenly capable to do my job without her. And within a few weeks, she was
transferred to another building (she told everyone it was a promotion). I never
saw her again, but I heard she took her bully show with her. The complaints
built up there and people who worked with her started to quit. About three
years after that, she finally got fired. What a travesty. We lost so many good
people because of a big bully.
Why after so many years was Betty allowed to treat people
with so much hatred, anger and hostility? Betty created a hostile environment.
She harassed and belittled. But she was also a coward underneath it all. She
had little self-confidence and mistreating people made her feel good about
herself, plain and simple.
Looking back, I handled her the only way I knew how at the
time, which was to internalize it until stress and anxiety overran me to the
point where I just didn't care anymore. The lesson I learned was that not
caring is sometimes really good. In perspective, all this work we're doing
really doesn't matter. We do it because we have to make a living, but it
doesn't define who we are. And when we're gone, there will be someone else to
take our place.
Betty, like a lot of workplace bullies, was disillusioned.
She believed she was doing the right thing. But the truth is, she had no
investment in the company. She wasn't part of the owner's family. She was
expendable, obviously. It's really an eye-opener when you step back and look at
a bully. Their lives are usually very sad.
Today I know that situation will never happen to me again
because I've changed my thoughts about myself and my job. I would walk out of
my job in a half a minute if I were treated like that today. Plus, I'm getting
older and when you're old your tolerance for such things diminishes. Health and
happiness is all that matters in life. It's not worth the stress and it's
definitely not worth getting sick over.
If you're dealing with a bully today, stand up to them, even
if it's not your nature. You'll be surprised at the result. But if you do,
don't do it half-ass. Do it full-force because a bully can tell the difference.
Its full-force or nothing.
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