The Happiness Effect

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Back in the days when I was working in an extremely hostile office environment, I looked to things like self-help books, meditation and music to help lift my spirits. This was fine for simply making it through the day. However, it took me years before I figured out the real power of happiness – and that is, happiness can change life's circumstances.

This didn’t hit me until I read a quote by self-help guru, Wayne Dyer (not sure if he was the original scribe) – “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” This was the first time I heard this saying and it floored me. I wrote it down and carried it with me everywhere. If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

What this tells me is that our present life circumstances are results of our past thinking. The problem is, we always concentrate on the outside effect, instead of the inside cause. 

Thinking positive thoughts (cause) will result in positive circumstances (effects). If we think negatively, we bring to ourselves negative circumstances.

This sounds simple enough, but anyone who has ever tried, knows that thinking positively or constructively while surrounded by negativity is really hard. It's a tough habit to break, especially if you’ve been reacting to negative effects your whole life, as I had been.

It was life altering when I finally figured out that reacting negatively to negative outside circumstances was merely a choice. Instead, I chose to change my thoughts and sure enough, my outside circumstances began to change. 

I started by exercising motivating thoughts. So, here are a few exercises that helped me on my path to changing the cause…

• Make a Happy List – In the book, The Secret, author Rhonda Byrne suggests making a “happy” list. I wrote down 10 things that made me happy (my family, my dogs, the ocean, the Red Sox winning the World Series, etc.). Write it on slip of paper or in your iPad and have it where it can be easily accessed. Any time feelings of negativity pop up, whip out the “happy” list. And don't just read it, really allow yourself to experience how these things make you feel.

• Get a Mantra – Make a personal list of adjectives that you would like to use to describe yourself. For example – “I am happy, healthy, loving and joyous.” When negative thoughts creep in, repeat your mantra instead of consuming yourself with more bad thoughts. Remember, bad thoughts are just bad habits.

• Write it Down & Let it Go – When someone does something unfair to you or says something unkind, instead of retaliating or retreating to gossip, let it go. One little trick I found is a rendition of an old Hindu practice. Write on a piece of paper the name of the person who is afflicting you. Take the paper and flush it down the toilet (the ancient Hindu practice involved putting it into a flowing stream, but since streams are hard to find in the city, I think a nice powerful loo will do). I'm always surprised by how good this makes me feel!
• Send a Blessing – How could I send a blessing to a harassing malcontent whose main joy in life is to get me in trouble? I tried it a few times by silently wishing her well when I would see her and was surprised that it wasn’t all that hard. Holding on to anger and resentment is like drinking poison in hopes it kills the other person – it will only kill you!
•  Learn the Art of Detachment – I will write more about this very soon because detachment is an art and I think I’ve mastered it. I’ve heard people say, “I can’t detach because I care too much.” Stop caring! In the end, none of this matters. There is no trophy at the end of your work day. It’s OK to detach a little.
•  Silence the Mind – Meditation is hard for a lot of people because we just can’t sit still without a flood of thoughts streaming through our minds. Learning to silence the mind helped me to learn how to control my mind and, in turn, control my thoughts. Even if you have five minutes a day, try to sit and think no thoughts.
•  Create A Feel Good Space – Surround your eye's view with things that make you happy, whether it’s a picture, a trinket or an inspiring quote. On my desk were only things that made me feel good – a picture of my family, a photo of my dogs, a Red Sox bobble-head, and on the back of my office door was a poster of The Beatles with the words “Let It Be” (that poster got me through some rough times).

If we fail at any of these exercises – so what. We have another day tomorrow to get it right. Like physical exercise, mental exercise takes practice and consistency before we see results. And until we train ourselves to control our thoughts, we can never really be happy, no matter what the circumstance.

(Authors note: Do you have any more tips to add to the happy thinking list? If you feel inspired, please share them in the comments box).